Flight of the Conchords IS MONITORING ME aka crazy fan adventures

I have a theory.

Bear with me, for I have had many theories in the past that have not necessarily been scientifically substantiated. But that doesn’t mean they’re not TRUE.

Theories Steffi Has Had Prior To This Current Theory That Has Yet To Be Divulged

*My theory that every time I walk over sidewalk grates, mole people are looking up my dress. And I want to be like “STOP IT, MOLE PEOPLE. I AM A FEMINIST HOW DARE YOU OBJECTIFY ME IN THIS WAY??” But then people would look at me weird. But it’s just so rude, I should, like, SAY something. Maybe this is one for Miss Manners…

STOP PERPETUATING GENDER STEREOTYPES, MOLE PEOPLE. GENDER ROLES ARE SOCIETAL CONSTRUCTS.

*My theory that every town on the face of the earth has a plethora of Shrinky Dink paper except mine in an intricate and convoluted conspiracy to prevent me from shrinking dinks that so desperately need to be shrunk. If only… if only my parents let me buy things online, but my mom heard from The Benevolent and Powerful Oprah that your identify can be thefted buying things online.

So many dinks left unshrinked. So many regrets.

*My theory that in future generations novelty erasers will be a form of world currency so I must stock up now while they can be bought in bulk from the party store.

*My theory that, since the statues in the city of Philadelphia are all either of founding fathers or naked people, it’s only a matter of time before these two themes converge to what can only be assumed will be horrifying consequences.

And then there’s just Rocky, hanging around in his boxers. PUT SOME PANTS ON, STALLONE. THERE ARE CHILDREN.

*My theory that one must refrigerate dinosaur-shaped gummis because the dinosaurs all FROZE to death and so if I didn’t the gummi-dino counterparts would be so confused and disoriented when I unwrapped them. They’d be all like “GRAWWWWWWGGGRAWWWWWWWWGLE” which, as everyone knows, is dinosaur for “Tut tut, there, old chap, I seem to not be frozen to death. Good on me, then, but I am also conflicted for I am having an existential crisis. Jolly good. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” And that’s just not humane. So not only do they taste better cold, but it is now a mandatory rule to eat dinosaur gummis within historically accurate circumstances.

I have to eat them, lest they be used for nefarious world domination plans…

So HERE is the theory that prefaced those subsequent totally true and not at all theoretical theories (I don’t really know science-talk. A theory is something that is indisputably factual, yes? Thought so.)

I have recently been listening to an inordinate amount of music from Flight of the Conchords on the free (and legal) music app Spotify. Like, all day every day it’s been Flight of the Conchords and me jamming out. This band is absolutely the most hilarious thing ever. They had a TV show for a few seasons and it was awesome, but (hipster that I am) I knew about them before they got all famous from some live show clips they posted on Youtube. Actually, their live shows are kind of funnier, but the quality is better from the show so meh whatever. If you have never heard of the band before, probably because you’ve been living in a spacious two bedroom condo under a rock for years, this is the first thing you should watch because it is the first thing I watched by them. It sealed my undying love for them forever and evermore.

The New Zealand folk-rock duo is composed of Academy Award winner Bret McKenzie and Emmy nominated Jemaine Clement.

They’re so majestic.

I’m like a proud Jewish grandmother when I talk about them because they weren’t always so famous. When I first found them, they were long-haired boys wearing garish sportswear on stage during their gigs and now… now they’ve had a TV show, been recognized by major awards organizations for their awesomeness. They guest starred on an episode of The Simpsons that was perhaps but not necessarily the season finale premiere.

Furthermore, Bret wrote the songs for The Muppet Movie and Jemaine’s been in lots of well-received movies as of late including Dinner for Shmucks, Men in Black III, Rio, and probably other things of note. And I love them so, as any loving Bubbe would.

OY, I’M KVELLING. MY BOYS. THEY’RE A MOTHAH’S DREAM.

ANYWAY. This week I’ve been listening to them especially a lot. Like, last night I even had their Pandora station on as I drifted off into sleepyland. And you know what? TODAY I FOUND A NEW SONG. BY THEM. ON THE INTERNET. You don’t even understand, though. They haven’t sung together as an official band for, like, months. Years? Maybe. It’s been a long time since they’ve been off doing other famous-making things and blah. And then I get obsessed and BOOM all of a sudden there’s talk of a movie.

I think I have had some influence here. Maybe, for some reason, they picked me out of every other single person in their fanbase and were like, “If Steffi likes us now, we’ve GOT to do something more to appease her.” I’m telling you, I’ve got some pull here.

I don’t know why any of this is happening, but if this is all true I’d just like to say: Bret, Jemaine, I love you both very much. Thank you for taking it upon yourselves to be som wonderful. I appreciate it.

And now the photographic evidence of why I love them.

They’re cute.

They hang out with ducks, MY FAVORITE ANIMAL.

They’re domestic.

They’re biodegradable.

They aren’t manorexic.

They (fun fact) are actually John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

And fuzzy.

Whatever is going on in this picture? I like it.

Ditto this one.

Double ditto.

Now make them out of paper! DO IT.

Okay, enough fangirling. I do actually have a life. And by that I of course mean imma go listen to their song for the 54th time…

Here for the video and here for the video with the lyrics to the song so you can sing along! And buy it on itunes cuz proceeds go to making sick kids better!

Also, I kind of look like their #1est fan (refer to TV show.)

It’s actually frighteningly uncanny.

~Steffi Kristen Schaal

Music you must put into your ears right this very minute

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. ALL OF MY FAVORITE SINGERS HAVE NEW CDS. HOW?? WHY?? WHAAA??? I just realized this. I have a theory that they all got together into a secret club and decided to gift the world with their beautiful, beautiful music one last time before we all esplode horribly in the Armageddon that is sure to befall us later this year. Thank you, Secret Coalition of Bands I Love. You are the real heroes. And, like, firemen and whatever. And batman.

Click the links to hear the new tunes and soak your ears in a bath of happy.

Marina and the Diamonds

The coolest British person I know.

Except for The Doctor. And Sherlock. And the entire cast of Harry Potter and Tom Hiddleston and Andrew Garfield and… a lot of other British people OKAY I KNOW I KNOW I LIKE BRITS, THERE WAS A WHOLE ADVENTURE CENTERED AROUND THAT FACT.

But really. Marina’s super cool, too. I swear.

Regina Spektor

I like this CD so much. And there’s markedly less weird noises in it than in her older ones which was one of my hugest pet peeves with those songs (I’d fast forward over her grunts. Really, though, what was up with them? I know she gets into her music viscerally and all but, um, they weirded me out.)

Ingrid Michaelson

Her voice. Is so. Beautiful. GAH.

Norah Jones

She’s baaaaAAAAAaaack! And trying a little more pop than jazz. But, hey, I like it. It’s sort of Lenka-ish

Fiona Apple

Best picture of anything ever taken.

Kimbra

Why, yes, the one from that Gotye song that won the internet.

Plus Garfunkel and Oates came out with two new songs!

Aaaaaand coming soon in October there’s one from my favorite singer, A Fine Frenzy. It’s not a band. It’s a girl… but she has a band name. Even though she doesn’t really have a band. Her real name is Alison Sudol. I know. It’s weird.

Also, Hilary Duff. Don’t judge me, people. I feel you judging me.

And MIKA!!! He has a CD out in September called The Origin of Love and the first track (it’s in French but SO CATCHY. You don’t really need to know the language to appreciate it) is so so so good. And it has the best music video.

SIDENOTE: I saw the new Batman tonight. It was all intense and crazy and actiony and I was just sitting there in my set with a huge goofy grin fighting the urge to sing BATMANNNNN NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BATMANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

I literally made this exact face.

But, seriously. IT WAS SO. GOOD. I AM PUMPED UP. I NEED. TO CLIMB SOMETHING.

God, I want a juice box. Catwoman probably likes juice boxes, too. BECAUSE I AM CATWOMAN.

Well, now I am.

AWAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

~Steffi  Catwoman

Watch yourself, Anne Hathaway.

Cribs: dorm edition

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! ARE YE HEARING? ME? NOW?

Can ye hear me now? Good.

Oh, we like to have fun here.

But down to business. My adventure for the week shall henceforth be known!

It is… DRUMMROLL… dorm room decoration! Last year I completely loved my dorm room and how I decorated it, but I want to try some different stuff this year. I’m going to try to make myself more fosisticated next year, you see. I have been seriously working out my pinkies in anticipation of all the fanciful raising of them I will be doing soon.

Here is a list of some of the cool things I’m doing to upgrade my room next year!

LED colorful twinkle lights! God bless you, Martha.

Mail organizer! So pretty!

Wall pictures that doesn’t involve taping them directly to the wall (it was a huge pain to take them all off one by excruciating one last year.) This Urban Outfitters wall picture hanging thingy might help.

A new rug?

Welcome matt is a must.

Ikea lamp loves me.

So does this one.

USB MAN AL RESCATE!

Yeah, so this isn’t looking so much different from my room last year. I had rugs and lamps and power strips before, too. Hmm. All this is not drastic enough in it’s classiness. But if I try to REALLY class the place up, it’ll be expensive and… well… I am but a lowly college student without any monies. I need to think about this a little more and get back to you. I’ll save the pictures of my old dorm room until I’ve decorated my new one so you can really see the difference.

This adventure is to be continued…

My playlist

I found an amazing band yesterday and I knew I had to share it with you all on here. It’s called Lullatone and it’s a Japanese band so sweet and whimsical and different from so many popular bands out there right now.

I was listening to the radio the other day with a friend and I was just like “what even is this? Do people listen to this?” and I felt like a crochety old man. At the age of 19.

I mean, I’m all for the occasional Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj music at a party once in awhile, but that’s all it is to me: dance music. When I listen to music just to listen to it, I go with The Weepies, A Fine Frenzy, The Bird and the Bee, Marina and the Diamonds. And then I loves me some Flight of the Conchords or Garfunkel and Oates…

You’re my everything, Garfunkel and Oates.

But this band was different. For one, there were no words. Not like in a hipster “there are just no words to describe this musical experience I had when I was using my portable turntable in Starbucks last Wednesday while working on my screenplay. It was Wednesday because I was born on a Wednesday. So I was there before anybody else. Wednesday. You probably haven’t heard of it.”

“If you have, I will kill you in your face.”

I… I fear them.

I mean that their songs are without lyrics. I say this band is different because the titles of the songs basically tell you what they’re about, and each song is about a specific and very distinct feeling. For example, here are the names of the songs off their most recent album from 2011, Soundtracks for Everyday Adventures (ADVENTURES?? HOW DID THEY KNOWWW THEY’D BE ON MY BLOG. THEY ARE WIZARDS, I SAY.) Sidenote–these are the absolute cutest names ever.

Growing Up

A Runaway Kite

Going to Buy Some Strawberries

An Inherited Record Collection

Finding a Leaf in Your Girlfriend’s Hair

An Older Couple Holding Hands

Checking Things off a to-do List Early in the Morning

Riding a Bike Down a Big Hill and Taking Your Feet off of the Pedals

The Best Paper Airplane Ever

A Picture of Your Grandparents When They Were Young

Little Things Swimming Under a Microscope

Clapping Contest

The Kind of Song You Make Up In Your Head When You Are Bored

Brass Practice

Listening to Raindrops Knocking on a Window

All the songs on this CD can be heard in full on their site. Do itttttt.

If you close your eyes and listen the music gives life to a single moment in time, something so indescribable and elusive. But Lullatone captures it like fireflies in a jar. I know that all music does that in its way, translating emotion and experience into sound. But this seems purer, more raw somehow. Maybe its because most of the music out there today is about love and loss. Both of those things hurt a lot, and their shoved down our throats daily. This music is so innocent that it’s regularly roped into the “children’s” genre, though it’s not necessarily made specifically for children. This music is just the everyday magical feelings that everyone feels at one time or another. And I kind of think that’s magical. Maybe Shawn James Seymour and Yoshimi Tomida really are wizards…

I decided to give you some songs that probably mean other stuff to other people but that hold a special moment in time for me. This is my playlist.

Drifting off to sleep as a little girl–Annie’s Song by John Denver

Rocking in a boat on the Seine under the stars–La Vie En Rose by Edith Pilaf

The corny girl band my 12-year-old friends and I made–Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson

Making something beautiful with the mean choir kids who made my life suck as a Sophomore–Sleep by Eric Whitacre

The first look at Paris out of an airplane–Intermission by Coeur de Pirate

Lying on my bed and stretching out all my limbs as far as they’ll go–Swan Song by A Fine Frenzy

When I just didn’t want it to hurt anymore–Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

Dancing in a princess dress all alone when I was small–Once Upon a December from Anastasia

That small little break my heart feels every once in awhile if I remember what it felt like when I thought I wasn’t enough–As You Are by Garfunkel and Oates

Hope and thankfulness that I don’t feel like that anymore–Taking Chances by Kate Micucci

Goodnight.

~Steffi

Doctor what was he thinking

BY POPULAR REQUEST (of nobody because nobody reads my blog) I PRESENT TO YOU… THE FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD FIASCO OF 2011.

Guys. This adventure practically gave me PTSD.

So in Doctor Who, presuming you have seen or heard of Doctor Who, the Doctor eats fish fingers (basically fish sticks) and custard (like vanilla pudding) the first time he meets his bff, Amelia Pond. He thinks it is delicious yet young Amelia is understandably skeptical. Through the ages (about 3 years) people have wondered that huge, most important question… “Doctor WHO?”, sure. Okay. And also, “Are fish fingers and custard a thing? Like, is that secretly the most delicious yet unlikely combination of foods that nobody has ever thought to try?”

So my bff Jessie and I decided to test the theory. We put our lives and stomachs on the line for the truth. We decided to document the occasion with a timed camera that took pictures every three seconds to record our scientific work for posterity. We had emergency Izze on hand to wash it down. We were young and foolish, full of youthful hubris and foolish youngful youth.

Before, when we still had our innocence. 

The bite heard round the world.

The horror. The horror.

~Steffi

Brit take two, Babe…

Since my prior attempts at adventuring British-style failed abysmally, I decided that I was going make it up to you by doing a British Friday night dinner and a movie! I always associate Friday as dinner and a movie night because TBS used to do a “Dinner and a Movie” show on Friday nights.

It was AWESOME, you guys. Like, they’d make yummy-looking food while I ate my sad piece of pizza or something and then there was a movie! And when it was on, I was too young to fully appreciate movie suckage. At age 12, everything is just sort of the same. It was the best of times. And zomg the voice of Korra (from The Legend of Korra, the show that was the Avatar sequel but of course you know that because Everyone In The World knows that) WAS THE BLOND GIRL HOST. KORRA IS BLOND AND PERKY. FOR REALS.

But I digress.

I pondered ponderously for a very long time over what to eat. I mean, the question wasn’t what to eat. I had plenty of ideas. The question was rather what can I make that won’t disgust the entire continental USA and probs make me His Royal Highness the Duke of York it all up. Let’s review some classic British pub fare.

*Blood pudding. A dish that has actual blood in it.

*Steak and kidney pie. A meat pie that has-you guessed it-steak and kidney.

*Jellied eels. No commentary.

*Tripe. Sheeps guts. It is offal. I mean. Gak.

Okay. So now I ew-ed myself out a little. But I did extensive research and found something edible! Though at first it sounds repulsive, toad in a hole does not actually have toads! Unlike every single other British food, this one was not exactly what the name promised! I was intrigued.  

My one issue was that I have Celiac Disease, which means I can’t have gluten. Gluten is basically in anything with white flour, barley, malt and rye. So I used my favorite flour mixture instead of regular all-purpose since they say it works for a one-to-one substitution. I used this recipe and basically got all jiggy with the instructions. Since it seemed too runny with all the milk, I put about double the amount of flour the recipe called for. Then I thought it wouldn’t rise at all so I added another egg. Then I realized I didn’t have mustard or carrots, but I figured it’d be fine without them so long as I had the thyme. Because herbs look so legit, that alone would most likely eradicate any other problem. Oh, yeah, and since it was a British recipe I had to convert all the stupid non-Amuhricun measurements including the oven temp and junk and… well… I wasn’t even sure it would rise at all.

But it was so good! God, I am so proud of me. You don’t even understand, divine intervention is the only thing I can think of to explain how good it turned out despite my general level of kitchen suckiosity.

Now some close up ones so you can pretend you’re nomming it.

I’m betting a few computer screens have just been licked.

BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE. Because I decided to watch a British movie and have my dessert. And what, pray tell, did I choose to nom for dessert? Why, only the very best and Brittest. Butterbeer. Oh, yeah. I just broke some hearts out there in internet-land.

And since I am a huge ginormous Harry Potter nerd for forevers and evers, I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter twice the year before last and got myself an official butterbeer mug. I gotta tell you, butterbeer from the theme park is the most delicious beverage I have ever had in my life and I am not even just saying that because I was so looking forwards to trying it. It is seriously the nectar of the gods. I formed a minor addiction… Oh, whaaaat it’s non-alcoholic jeeeez.

Here’s the finished product.

So was this beverage anything like what I tasted at the park? Was it even better? I gotta say, it… um… it kind of sucked. I feel traitorous to Her Mighty and Majestic Rowlingness even just typing that, but it is true. This particular recipe made the thing too sweet and if I am saying it’s too sweet, something is direly wrong because I never think anything is too sweet. Also, it made these clumpy things where the whipped cream met the soda and I, I just dunno. It was like the Doctor Who Fish Fingers and Custard Fiasco of 2011. I still have nightmares about that one…

Anyway, on a happier note the movie I chose is Wild Target, currently on Netflix instant play.

It had so many of my favorite people, I couldn’t not see it. Let’s count them off: Martin Freeman, Rupert Everett, Emily Blunt, Rupert Grint and Bill Nighy as the adorable cold-blooded assassin main character. Just IMDB them all to remind yourself of all the amazing films and shows they’ve been in and then watch the bejesus out of this movie. It’s so cute and funny and wonderful. It’s actually really sweet and the ensemble cast is astounding and at one point they dye a cat pink. Also, Martin Freeman plays a bad guy! Watson, how could you?! And his teeth are disconcertingly perfect.

See what I mean?

Overall, I’d say it’s a feel-good movie… despite the body toll. Relax, they were bad guys. Mostly… Victor is a hit man, so you’ve got to expect a few casualties here and there. One of which may or may not have been an ear.

And, if nothing else, watch it for Emily Blunt’s fantastically gorgeous outfits.

SO PRETTY. SO PRETTY I’M GONNA PASS OUT. GAHHHHHH.

I’ll leave you with these closing thoughts.

What is it with the Brits and nose spooning (see post before last)? I admire the practice, but even I say it seems a bit excessive. JKLOLZ YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH NOSE SPOONING.

~Steffi

Britishness continued… sort of

Here are some more glorious British things I have done this week:

*I saw Spiderman and it was AWESOME! And since Andrew Garfield, aka my new boyfriend, is British in real life it totally counts towards my continued Britishness. Also, did you know he and Emma Stone (who is one of my favvvvorite human beings) are dating in real life??? BECAUSE THEY ARE. AND I’M SO VERY HAPPY. BECAUSE NOW I KNOW HE LIKES AMERICANS. THERE IS HOPE.

Flawless couple is flawless.

*I watched the Lizzie Bennet Diaries (created by Hank Green of Vlog Brothers fame), a modern interpretation of Pride and Prejudice… a British novel. Shut up, I am not stretching here. It’s a British thing. Just… shut up.

*I started rewatching Frasier (a seriously funny show starring Kelsey Grammer) and they have a British character, Daphne Moon, from Manchester. ENGLAND. YEAH. BAM.

*I looked at the Cambridge Satchel Co. bags some more! Probs gonna get the purple. I’ll order it soon. So. Yup. BRITISH.

Yeah, okay, I’m reaching a bit. But I tried. I really did. No, I’m lying, I tried literally not at all. But seriously, tonight. Tonight, guys. It’s gonna happen. Imma British it UP in here. Yo.

I already have a plan. I’ll update you later when I have pics. This blog promised you adventures and by God YOU SHALL HAVE ADVENTURES.

More later,

Steffi

Jolly good

Okay, so I have just been informed that David Tennant starred in a Rom Com last year. Excuse me while I spontaneously combust, reassemble, do the cha cha slide to an upbeat disco medley and watch the crud out of that thing.

Hahaha, no no. I jest. I have already watched it. Twice. God bless Netflix instant play.

The Decoy Bride is a wonderful movie for realzies. It was so cute and very predictable but hilarious and crazy and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. Plus all the actors were wonderful. And I am NOT just saying that because Doctor Who is the leading man. (Disclaimer: I might be saying that because Doctor Who is the leading man.) BUT LET’S BE REAL, HERE. DOCTOR WHO IS THE LEADING MAN.

Here’s the trailer. Now, let me preface by saying that the movie is much, much better than the trailer. Also, please find it in your heart to ignore the gross weird soundtrack they stuck on the trailer. It is not in the actual movie.:

7 REASONS TO SEE THE DECOY BRIDE

1. David Tennant wears a suit. Excuse this line of drool dripping off of my face and onto the floor in a steady stream. I apologize for the puddle. 

2. Michael Urie aka Mark from Ugly Betty aka my sassy gay bff is in it. I KNOW RIGHT???? AND HE BRINGS THE SASS.

3. Kelly Macdonald is awesome as a goofy, sweet, flawed, funny, Scottish and utterly likable protagonist.

4. She is ALSO the voice of Merida in Pixar’s new movie, Brave. (I swear, her voice is less annoying in The Decoy Bride…)

5. This happened. Why, yes, that IS David Tennant’s crotch taken completely out of context.

6. Sword fights!!

7. And… did I mention David Tennant? Who wear the above outfit at some point? And looks adorably befuddled a lot? BONUS POINTS: There is a character whose name he says a lot, “Lara Tyler”, and you can totally shout “ROSE” before he says it and pretend that he is saying “Rose Tyler” and be briefly albeit blissfully happy for a single shining moment and then cry a lot. Not that I rewound it and did that every time he said her name. *weeps*

Actually, this was fun. I had some more British things I was gonna do, but this post has gone on for awhile and I’m getting sleepy so maybe I’ll do the rest of the stuff later. So, in my infinite wisdom, I have decided to dedicate this week to adventures in Britishness. I shall do British things and tell you about them. Are you pumped? Natch. Oh my god, you guys, this will be so fun. I love British stuff! HARRY POTTER IS BRITISH STUFF. GAHHHH!!! This is going to be completely fantastic.

~Steffi

Rice that’s everything but white

I found this new brand, Rice. It will soon festoon every inch of my future mansion.

Guys. The colors. THE COLORS. They make me want to break out into an interpretive dance of joy.

Marry me, Cambridge Satchel Co.

Dearest, Cambridge Satchel Co. I know you’re pretty attractive to most everyone. I do, I know that. I mean, I’ve seen you cavorting with the likes of Modcloth, Bloomingdales, and ASOS among others. You are the veritable “it” bag of the season. I’m not the jealous type, but I think it’s time we made this exclusive. You know I love you, Baby. You know I’ll make you the happiest Satchel Co. in the world. Please do me the honor… of being my weird inanimate colorful leather corporation wife.

God, but you’re beautiful.

I desperately, hysterically want one of these bags. I’m saving up for one, but I can’t decide on which color to get. I’ve surely never been much for yellow. In fact, purple is my favorite color. But something makes me love that corn, canary, sunshine yellow just as much as the royal purple. It’s such a hard decision, like choosing between children. It’s is my own Sophie’s Choice.

Luckily there might be room for compromise…

This satchel, regardless of color, is the most perfect bag I have ever seen (and that is saying something since bags and shoes are hobbies of mine.) The only other bag I have wanted with such fervor is the Tardis-shaped masterpiece I found last week.

Oh, Tardis. You sexy sexy beast, you.